Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
