I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
