Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
