Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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