I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Randomize
