i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Be still, my beating vagina.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
