The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
