TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
