are you still at the devil's house?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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