Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
