how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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