i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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