hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
