Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
