remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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