i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
