and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
