Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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