I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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