before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I understand Curling. That high.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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