I wish I could teleport
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
