Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
