Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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