I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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