your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
