i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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