just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Your cock deserves a montage
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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