The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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