Are we in a gay sports bar?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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