Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
