eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
