I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
