Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
