can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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