I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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