I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
