On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
