he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
