i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
