so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
