So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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