So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize