I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need to calm my uterus...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
