if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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