If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I will pee on everything he values.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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