OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
