She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
