Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
