Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm at about main and main street
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize