i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
