I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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