I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
