My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
