Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
