Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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