the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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