okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
