The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
