my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize