this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
