I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
