she was so not down for the gang bang
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
