Pappa wants mamma naked
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
