Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
