Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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