Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
