So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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