whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
