well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize